


tell me every terrible thing you ever did (and let me love you anyway)

by ephemereal



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 2park, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Panic Attacks, Romance, Suicide Attempt, i literally wrote this on the google docs app so, is this slice of life idk, my fics are all so 2park exclusive i'm sorry, sorry i cba to properly capitalize, this is all lapslock btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 01:01:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16863274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemereal/pseuds/ephemereal
Summary: jihoon may be a wreck and everything in between, but woojin loves him just the same.





	tell me every terrible thing you ever did (and let me love you anyway)

it wasn’t going to be easy, that was something woojin knew for sure. it was never meant to be smooth-sailing; nothing good comes easy for him.

 

but he didn’t think loving jihoon would be this hard, either.

 

it’s been a little over two months since woojin and jihoon began going out, and there they are, with jihoon’s hand in woojin’s as he lied down on the hospital bed, motionless and unconscious. jihoon had just attempted suicide once again – marking this as his fifth visit to the hospital in the two months he dated woojin. he has tried advising jihoon not to push himself to self destruction countless times, but to no avail. if there’s anything he hated about how similar jihoon is to him, it would no doubt be how headstrong the older can be, and how he refuses to back down from something he has his eyes set on, even if it’s at the expense of his life.

 

being a celebrity is anything but a walk in the park, even so if you’re a rising one, and jihoon is aware of that. having numerous pairs of eyes watch your every move, waiting for you to make an accidental slip to drag you into the depths of your downfall is definitely draining. as much as jihoon enjoys being in the public’s eyes, there are times where he prefers to be in solitude, not having to calculate all his actions and putting his walls up all the time. where he can act impulsively without giving a damn about what others would have to say.

 

and this, is one of those times.

  


woojin didn’t want to leave jihoon for that one hour, he really didn’t – but he was left with no choice. he had been skipping his dance tutoring classes for about two weeks now, and if it weren’t for him being close friends with the owner of the dance studio, sungwoon, he would have long lost his job with the amount of complaints he had gotten from his students. before leaving for his classes, though, he locked jihoon’s phone in a drawer because he knew about the older’s self destructive tendencies best; he would spend hours reading every negative comment about himself. he made him promise not to leave the their shared apartment until he got back and to speed dial him if he needed anything. the older nodded, urging him to leave their place because he ‘wouldn’t want to keep his students waiting, did he.’

 

but maybe he should have known better, that jihoon would have remembered there was a spare for every key in the living room and he would retrieve his phone almost immediately after he left.

 

so when woojin comes back an hour later and sees jihoon in his room, lying unconscious on the bed with his phone in one hand and an emptied bottle of sleeping pills in another, his knees give up on him almost immediately and he fell to the ground, trying his best to hold it together as he dials for the ambulance on his phone.

 

_i have to be strong, jihoon needs me_. those are the words he repeats in his mind non stop. he stares at jihoon’s motionless body and feels a sinking feeling in his stomach, threatening to eat him up.

 

woojin slowly gets up from the ground, legs shaky, and starts walking rounds across the room with his eyes closed, taking in deep breaths in a desperate attempt to calm himself down while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. it’s taking everything in him to not have a full blown breakdown, blaming himself for not asking someone to keep him company, for not bringing the spare drawer key along with him when he left for his classes, for leaving him unaccompanied in the first place.

 

the last thing he recalls before losing his consciousness is him sitting on a chair placed beside jihoon’s hospital bed, crying uncontrollably and repeating the words ‘please live’ while holding the latter’s hand.

 

he wakes up from his sleep with a tear stained face when he feels the latter intertwining their hands together. “where… am i?” jihoon mumbles, voice almost inaudible. “the hospital. hey, i’ll go get you something to drink, yeah?” he nods, eyelids fluttering slowly before closing completely. woojin stares in awe at the sight before his eyes. jihoon’s blonde hair has slightly faded, his face looks paler than usual, but the way the rays of sunlight seep through the blinds of his ward and illuminates it in all the right angles, gives him a glow that makes him look somewhat ethereal. he smiles to himself and leans in to plant a kiss on his forehead before heading out.

 

about fifteen minutes later, woojin returns to jihoon’s ward with about half of the hospital’s convenience store in a plastic bag and places it on the table. “i didn’t know what exactly to get for you, so i decided getting a little bit of everything wouldn’t hurt.” he tries to lighten the atmosphere, but jihoon gives him a faint smile as he sits up on the hospital bed and signals the younger to come closer.

 

“can i ask you something?”

 

“of course, babe.” woojin doesn't miss the way jihoon's face brightens up with a small smile, the smile that makes him feel like he's falling in love all over again at the sight of it. his face falls almost as soon as it brightened up, though, and sadness soon follows the smile on it.

 

“i’m a really difficult person, aren’t i,” woojin parts his lips to retort, but is interrupted by jihoon placing a finger over his. “so if, just if, you were given a chance to turn back time, would you still have loved me? i mean, you deserve so much better than staying with someone like me...” he trailed.

“jihoon-ah,” woojin purses his lips before continuing, “listen. when you told me about your dream to be an actor although you were literally a biology major, it didn’t come as a surprise to me. you know what surprised me, though? it was the firmness and determination in your eyes. that’s how i knew you would make it, because i knew you’re truly capable of doing what you want to do. I believed in you, and i still do. i always will. i was never like you, growing up. many things piqued my interest, from basketball to dancing. i wanted a little bit of this, and a little less of that. it might sound silly to you, but i wanted to be some sort of superhero. i wanted to stop time, and save the world. at the same time, i wanted to run away from it. i didn’t want to shoulder any responsibility, i never wanted to be controlled by anyone but myself. so, you see… i was never sure of anything i did, or of what to do, yet i was so sure of you. and i still am. i don’t know what is it that i see in you exactly, but there’s just that something in you that keeps me going. it gives me the strength i never knew i needed to chase my dreams, and before i knew it, you became my reason.”

 

“i-” jihoon starts slowly, only to end up bursting into tears. woojin quickly grabs several tissues and wipes his tears away, patting his back. “i must have saved a nation in my past life to deserve you in this lifetime, didn’t i.” he lets out a chuckle. “shh, i’m the one who should thank the universe for giving me someone like you.” jihoon stares at his feet, his cheeks turning into shades of pink and screw art museums, woojin thinks a blushing jihoon is the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen in his life.

 

after jihoon finally calms down, he continues with what he had wanted to say earlier. “woojin, i’m emotionally constipated as we both know… but thank you. for not giving up on me, for not leaving me the way everyone else did, for loving me, for holding my hand even when i don’t have the strength to hold yours back, for everything you’ve done. and most importantly, i’m sorry for my shortcomings as your boyfriend. i know i’m not the most romantic person out there, neither am i good with words, but know that i truly love you. and i hope i grow old never having to learn how to do anything without you.”

 

woojin and jihoon both end up hugging each other, and they find that there is no other place that feels more like home than in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> i actually wrote this around april but my finals are in 2 days so why not do everything (re: finally posting this) except studying right!!!  
> thank you for reading uwu


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